


100%

by Riddance



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28345311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddance/pseuds/Riddance
Summary: The end of forever.
Relationships: Jung Yunho (DBSK)/Kim Jaejoong
Kudos: 2





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“You shouldn’t’ve kissed me back then.”

It’s not that Yunho’s regretful… It’s just early mornings like this, when he wakes up in a mess of blankets and limbs and the smell of sweat and simmered lust, it’s natural to be more reflective. With the curtains closed and the room dark, there’s no reminder of the time or day and when he’s alone with Jaejoong, it’s too easy to feel ageless. Every moment of theirs alive at the same time, to remember how it started.

A succession of quick crashes and slow falls. The fight in the alley. Crash. The training. Slow fall. The kiss. Crash. The tension thereafter. Slow fall. And these reactions tying them together like stitches until there was no more movement. Too close to crash or fall. Inseparable.

“You wanted me to,” Jaejoong whispers, his eyes still closed but an eyebrow slightly raising, as his fingers graze up and down Yunho’s bare arm, dancing on goosebumps.

“But that was before I knew I wanted you to,” Yunho looks at him pointedly, in half irritation, knowing his expression won’t be seen.

That was the most frustration part. How Yunho had been so clearly gay and Jaejoong not… just helplessly beautiful, a feminine he couldn’t escape like a curse. How Yunho hadn’t known himself but had been figured out by someone that knew their worth, the ease in which they captivated and used this blessing to their every advantage. Sometimes just because they knew it’d make others happy. That’s why he kissed Yunho on the cheek at the radio station. Through intuition and amusement, just to wake him up like a sleeping prince. The interest he could so clearly see shimmering under tan skin.

“Do you wish I hadn’t?”

“Never.”

“Then why are you thinking so hard,” Jaejoong pulls his hand away and tucks it back under the covers, pushing the blanket up to his neck and blinking his dark wide eyes, now too awake to properly doze.

Yunho sighs.

“For as much as I don’t regret it, it still remains a problem.”

Why was there no relief, even when they were together? Even when they could finally love. The stealing in seconds and bedrooms was never enough. It would be a problem for as long as they had to hide so it would be a problem forever.

“Yunho. I know it’s hard. But what can we do? Going in circles saying the same things, we both know? It has to be enough. To be with each other sometimes, for a while. While we can.”

Jaejoong answers as if he can read his lover’s mind. As usual, he's scarily close to it.

“But I want to be with you all the time,” Yunho can’t help his anguish, drawing the older man into his arms and burying his head in the covered neck. “If I could just. If I could just die right now, it’d be over and I’d have what I want. If this ended now, there’d be no time without you. There’d be nothing after this.”

Jaejoong feels tears brush his cheek, but he's held too tightly and is too surprised by the words to say anything back.

Of course he loves Yunho, but the degree of a confession like this... To talk about death… Maybe he's too optimistic, maybe he handles it better because secretly there's a hope that they could go on this way, in rationed intervals. He thought they’d trained themselves carefully against being greedy, that that greed had been trained out by the company. They’d learned to do what was said and to hide. But feeling Yunho’s body rock in ache… apparently not.

_‘Jung Yunho… No one loves me like you do. No one else could,’_ Jaejoong’s tears come so fast, he doesn’t register the blur.

He doesn’t know how Yunho can do this, be never-ending, never fully known, always showing another side to raise the percentage Jaejoong likes.

“Whenever we reach 100%, you make us reach 10% more… That’s why I kissed you back then. Because I knew there was more and I wanted you to know too.”

He brushes through Yunho’s hair with his fingers, wraps his arms around the other's neck so tightly until there's no room left between them. Inseparable.

_‘I’ll break us right here. I’ll hold you so tight we both burst so there’ll be no after,’_ he thinks seriously. _‘I can feel it right now. I can feel the ending.’_

And like that they drift back to sleep, in the illusion of a forever that ends just how they want.


End file.
